Tuesday, January 22, 2008

not pregnant...for now

Well, definately not pregnant, as I got my period today (sorry for too much information). I am very irregular and everytime I think I might be pregnant, Mr.C just knows I am getting my period. Oh well. We didn't try or anything anyway but my other pregnancies were both unplanned.

In fact with E I didn't know until I was almost 5 months pregnant. Now you may wonder how on earth can that be??? Well I was very young, never had a regular period, in a very poor relationship I was taking the pill and it just never occurred to me. I went to the doctor one day because I had horrible heartburn and kept getting sick. (duh) The nurse asked if I could be pregnant and she had me take a test. Came back positive and I almost fainted. Went to an ob/gyn and she confirmed how far along I was(18 weeks).

Then with L, I was trying on dresses in a dressing room and nothing fit in my size, especially the bust. I went home, took a test and it was positive. Went to the Dr. and I was 9 weeks already. Actually it was hard to tell my family because my sister, who is 1-1/2 years older than me, had been trying for over a year with miscarriages and many heartbreaks but she had just gotten pregnant a couple months before me. Our girls are four months apart, her daughter was born premature. So I suppose I am pretty fertile, especially since I was on the pill both times. I don't take it anymore because...well obviously it doesn't seem to work for me.

Even though I had unplanned pregnancies, both times I was so absolutely thrilled. Even though the first time I was in a bad relationship, I was still over the moon, he however was not, I endured much abuse, he even kicked me in the stomach because he was so mad I got pregnant. He kicked us out when E was 3 months old. He had told me to leave many, many times before but he was so emotionally, physically, sexually, verbally abusive and manipulative so I felt trapped and I always stayed. UNTIL I had my E. He told me to leave that day when she was 3 months old, I looked at her innocent face and all of a sudden, it just hit me - I had the courage and the strength, and I left and never looked back. He kept trying to get me back but there was NO way I would ever let my daughter be subjected to the type of life we would have had if we stayed with him.

If you have ever seen the movie Waitress with Keri Russell, that moment when she looks at her baby, thats exactly how it was with me. My E saved me, she is my angel, because surely things would have ended tragically if I stayed with him.

I met Mr.C when E was 2 years old and it was love at first sight. He instantly loved E and has raised her as if she was his own. They have such a special bond and treats all of us as if we are his princesses. I have never met a man with a heart as pure and good as my husband. I am so truly blessed with my girls and husband.

Well I hope you didn't mind me getting so personal and emotional today but thats how I get this time of the month!

9 comments:

Somewhere Between Pinot and Pacifiers said...

That post made me tear up. I am so sorry for what you had to go through. Wow, what a strong woman it must have made you. I truly can not imagine what thhat must have been like.

I have baby fever too! I am beginning to wonder if I may be preggers right now. Slightly tired alot, kind of sore boobs. Expecting the period in a week. I have toyed with the thought of going to get one of those early detection tests just to see!

The 5 Bickies said...

You really have an amazing story to tell. I am always faschinated. Can't believe the abuse you endured. How did you meet your wonderful husband? What a life you have now in comparison!

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

I can't believe all that you endured but am so happy for you to have such a wonderful family life now. Those dark clouds only serve to make us stronger and more appreciative of the good things in life.

How did you and your hubby meet?

Anonymous said...

I am posting this an anonymous even though I am a regular reader of your blog. I am contemplating leaving a marriage that seems very similiar to your first one. Only someone who has lived through the cycle can fully understand it. I watched Waitress earlier this week so a lot of what you have said rings true. It is very inspiring to read your story. Thank you.

Tickled Pink Designs said...

Wow, i really appreciate you sharing your story with us. Not an easy one to share I'm sure. Thank God you are strong enough and had the courage to leave. Maybe someone out there will read this and be empowered to change their own situation.

So, yes, how did you meet Mr. C?

Oh, and sorry to hear you aren't pg. I remember times when i thought I was, but then got my period and I felt really sad.

We are messing around with the possibility of adoption, but we shall see....

Beth G. said...

Wow-what a story. I'm so happy for you that things worked out so wonderfully and that you now have such a terrific family! I've got the baby bug too...headed to the fertility Dr's Friday-we'll see. Can't remember if I've posted before but I love your blog and read it all the time:)

Serah said...

That really is an amazing story and I so admire your honesty. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

mnolan1180 said...

I too am in tears, your story is so touching, I too would like to become a mother for the first time and it just seems that every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant...I know it will happen at the right time, thanks for sharing your story, I really do enjoy reading your blog

Kate said...

Wow! I am so glad to hear where you are now after what you've been through! Pregnancy seems to be in the air in my neck of the woods lately - hopefully this time next month it will be for you!